Various Laws
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When the plane you are on is
late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
- The Airplane Law
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Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
- Allen's Law
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Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
- Anthony's Law of Force
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Any tool when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of
the workshop.
- Anthony's Law of the Workshop
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When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you
know the answer. Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is
a problem.
- Rule of Accuracy
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A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the
writer.
- Acheson's Rule of the Bureaucracy
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Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.
- Acton's Law
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Anybody can win -- unless there happens to be a second entry.
- Ade's Law
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Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well being.
- Albrecht's Law
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Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never play cards with a man named
Doc. And never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
- Algren's Precepts
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It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be
coming up it.
- Allen's Law of Civilization
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Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven.
- Alley's Axiom
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I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you
looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
- Anderson's Law
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No matter which direction you start it's always against the wind coming
back.
- Andrews's Canoeing Postulate
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When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you're certain
you're finished with, you will need it instantly.
- Law of Annoyance
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1) The one piece that the plant forgot to ship is the one that supports
75% of the balance of the shipment. Corollary: Not only did the plant
forget to ship it, 50% of the time they haven't even made it. 2) Truck
deliveries that normally take one day will take five when you are
waiting for the truck. 3) After adding two weeks to the schedule for
unexpected delays, add two more for the unexpected, unexpected delays.
4) In any structure, pick out the one piece that should not be
mismarked and expect the plant to cross you up. Corollaries: 1) In any
group of pieces with the same erection mark on it, one should not have
that mark on it. 2) It will not be discovered until you try to put it
where the mark says it's supposed to go. 3) Never argue with the
fabricating plant about an error. The inspection prints are all checked
off, even to the holes that aren't there.
- Laws of Applied Confusion
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Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.
- Approval Seeker's Law:
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1) Numbers are tools, not rules. 2) Numbers are symbols for things; the
number and the thing are not the same. 3) Skill in manipulating numbers
is a talent, not evidence of divine guidance. 4) Like other occult
techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon
deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from nonpractitioners. 5)
The product of an arithmetical computation is the answer to an
equation; it is not the solution to a problem. 6) Arithmetical proofs
of theorems that do not have arithmetical bases prove nothing.
- Ashley-Perry Statistical Axioms
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No books are lost by loaning except those you particularly wanted to
keep.
- Fourteenth Corollary of Atwood's General Law of Dynamic Negative
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Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house
the next job after a series of three is not the fourth job -- it's the
start of a brand new series of three.
- Avery's Rule of Three
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If it should exist, it doesn't.
- Arnold's First Law of Documentation
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If it does exist, it's out of date.
- Arnold's Second Law of Documentation
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If you can't learn to do it well, you should learn to enjoy doing it
badly.
- Ashleigh's First Law
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No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
- First Law of Bicycling
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Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out.
- Second Law of Blissful Ignorance
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The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as
the deadline approaches.
- Bove's Theorem
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The first pull on the cord ALWAYS sends the drapes in the wrong
direction.
- Boyle's Other Law
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Whenever a system becomes completely defined, someone discovers
something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond
recognition.
- Brooke's Law
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You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people
all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
- Captain Penny's Law
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The only things that start on time are those that you're late for.
- Cayo's Law
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Hot glass looks the same as cold glass.
- Dominic Cirino's Law of Burnt Fingers
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When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is
possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something
is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
- Clarke's First Law
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The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them
into the impossible.
- Clarke's Second Law
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Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
- Clarke's Third Law
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Shredded cabbage goes great with shredded carrots and mayonnaise.
- Cole's Law
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Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
- Laws of Computer Programming, I
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Any given program costs more and takes longer.
- Laws of Computer Programming, II
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If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
- Laws of Computer Programming, III
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If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
- Laws of Computer Programming, IV
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Any program will expand to fill available memory.
- Laws of Computer Programming, V
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The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
- Laws of Computer Programming, VI
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Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the
programmer who must maintain it.
- Laws of Computer Programming, VII
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Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
- Laws of Computer Programming, VIII
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Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable
errors, which by definition are limited.
- Laws of Computer Programming, IX
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Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
- Laws of Computer Programming, X
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Design flaws travel in groups.
- Fifth Law of Design
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Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
- Ducharme's Precept
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Spend sufficient time confirming the need and the need will disappear.
- Ed's Fifth Rule of Procrastination
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In approaching a double door, you will always go to the one door that
is locked, pull when you should have pushed, and push when the sign
says pull.
- Ehre's Double-Door Law
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The other line moves faster.
- Etorre's Observation
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If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
- Finagle's First Law
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No matter what the experiment's result, there will always be someone
eager to: (a) misinterpret it. (b) fake it. or (c) believe it supports
his own pet theory.
- Finagle's Second Law
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In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond
all need of checking, is the mistake.
- Finagle's Third Law
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Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it
worse.
- Finagle's Fourth Law
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Chicken Little only has to be right once.
- Firestone's Law of Forecasting
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When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is
composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
- Flugg's Law
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If you knew what you were doing, you'd probably be bored.
- Fresco's Law
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Push something hard enough and it will fall over.
- Fudd's First Law
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Information necessitating a change of design will be conveyed to the
designer after and only after the design is complete. (Often called the
'Now They Tell Us' Law)
- Fyfe's First Law of Revision
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In simple cases, presenting one obvious right way versus one obvious
wrong way, it is often wiser to choose the wrong way so as to expedite
subsequent revision.
- Fyfe's First Law of Revision - Corollary I
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The more innocuous the modification appears to be, the further its
influence will extend and the more the design will have to be redrawn.
- Fyfe's Second Law of Revision
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If, when completion of a design is imminent, field dimensions are
finally supplied as they actually are, instead of as they were meant to
be, it is always simpler to start over from scratch.
- Fyfe's Third Law of Revision
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It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if
you have none, someone will make one for you.
- Fyfe's Third Law of Revision - Corollary I
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A little ignorance can go a long way.
- Gerrold's Law
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An object in motion will be heading in the wrong direction.
- Gerrold's First Law of Infernal Dynamics
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An object at rest will be in the wrong place.
- Gerrold's Second Law of Infernal Dynamics
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It ain't necessarily so.
- Gershwin's Law
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If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
- Gold's Law
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2 is not equal to 3 - not even for very large values of 2.
- Grabel's Law
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Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.
- Grossman's Law
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When you are served a meal aboard an aircraft, the aircraft will
encounter turbulence.
- Gunter's First Law of Air Travel
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The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the
temperature of your coffee.
- Gunter's Second Law of Air Travel
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Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by
stupidity.
- Hanlon's Razor
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The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the
stupidity of your action.
- Hartley's First Law
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Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
- Hartley's Second Law
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If you wait, it will go away.
- Hellrung's Law
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It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's
Law into account.
- Hofstadter's Law
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The chance of the bread falling with the butter side down is directly
proportional to the value of the carpet.
- Jennings' Corollary to the Law of Selective Gravity
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Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward maximum difficulty
of assembly.
- Klipstein's Law
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Any product cut to length will be too short.
- Klipstein's Observation
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The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come your way
again.
- Korman's Law
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After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access
cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been
removed.
- de la Lastra's Law
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After an access cover
has been secured by 16 hold-down screws, it will be discovered that the
gasket has been omitted.
- de la Lastra's Corollary
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No amount of genius can
overcome a preoccupation with detail.
- Levy's Eighth Law
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Only God can make a
truly random selection.
- Levy's Ninth Law
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If it breaks, it needed
replacing anyway.
- Lowery's Law
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There's always one more
bug.
- Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology
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If a computer cable has
one end, then it has another.
- Lyall's Conjecture
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The most important leg
of a three legged stool is the one that's missing.
- Lyall's Fundamental Observation
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If the facts do not
conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
- Maier's Law
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For every action there
is an equal and opposite government program.
- Main's Law
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Logic is a systematic
method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
- Manley's Maxim
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The shortest distance
between two points is under construction.
- McGregor's Revised Maxim
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In a social situation,
the most difficult thing to do is usually the right thing to do.
- Meyers Law
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If at first you don't
succeed, read the manual.
- Montgomery's Maxim
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If anything can go
wrong, it will.
- Murphy's Law
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If there are two or
more ways to do something, and one of those ways can result in a
catastrophe, then someone will do it.
- Murphy's Original Law
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Left to themselves,
things tend to go from bad to worse.
- Murphy's First Corollary
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It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so
ingenious.
- Murphy's Second Corollary
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Matter will be damaged
in direct proportion to its value.
- Murphy's Constant
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Smile, tomorrow will be
worse.
- The Murphy Philosophy
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Murphy's law was not
propounded by Murphy, but by another man with the same name.
- Law of Murphy's Law
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The legibility of a
copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
- Murphy's Law of Copiers
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Enough research will
tend to support your theory.
- Murphy's Law of Research
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When there is a very
long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and
there are only two cars on that road, it follows that: (1) the two cars
are going in opposite directions, and (2) they will always meet at the
bridge.
- Murphy's Law of the Open Road
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Things get worse under
pressure.
- Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics
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Everything goes wrong
all at once.
- Murphy's Restatement
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If you need four screws
for the job, the first three are easy to find.
- The N-1 Law
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Negative expectations
yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.
- Non-Reciprocal Law of Expectations
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If you change lines,
the one you just left will start to move faster than the one you are
now in.
- O'Brian's Law
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Variables won't,
constants aren't.
- Osborn's Law
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Murphy was an optimist.
- O'Toole's Commentary
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You cannot successfully
determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
- Perversity of Nature Law
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The best shots happen
immediately after the last frame is exposed.
- The First Law of Photography
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The best shots are
generally attempted through the lens cap.
- The Second Law of Photography
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If you did manage to
get any good shots, they will be ruined when someone inadvertently
opens the darkroom door and all of the dark leaks out.
- The Third Law of Photography
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Nothing is so good that
somebody, somewhere will not hate it.
- Pohl's Law
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Everything costs more
and takes longer.
- Pournelle's Law of Costs and Schedules
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Everything goes wrong
all at once.
- Quantized Revision of Murphy's Law
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When travelling down
the freeway, the first bug to hit a clean windshield will always land
directly in front of the driver's face.
- Quigley's Law of Highway Driving
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The longer you wait in
line, the greater the likelihood that you are in the wrong line.
- The Queue Principal
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After painstaking and
careful analysis of a sample, you are always told that it is the wrong
sample and doesn't apply to the problem.
- Fyfe's Fourth Law of Revision
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The most delicate
component will be dropped.
- Rosenfield's Regret
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When working toward the
solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
- Rule of Accuracy
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If at first you don't
succeed, destroy all evidence that you have tried.
- Rule of Failure
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If nobody uses it,
there's a reason.
- Rule of Reason
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It works better if you
plug it in.
- Sattinger's Law
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A man with a watch
knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
- Segal's Law
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An object will fall so
as to do the most damage.
- Selective Gravity Law
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Celibacy is not
hereditary.
- First Law of Socio-Genetics
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Technology don't
transfer.
- Stenton's Law
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An unbreakable toy is
useful for breaking other toys.
- Van Roy's Law
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Progress is made on
alternate Fridays.
- Weinberg's First Law
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If builders built
buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker
that came along would destroy civilization.
- Weinberg's Second Law
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There are no answers,
only cross references.
- Weiner's Law of Libraries
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A few months in the
laboratory can save a few hours in the library.
- Westheimer's Law
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Assumption is the
mother of all screw-ups.
- Wethern's Law
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Government expands to
absorb revenue and then some.
- Wiker's Law
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No experiment is reproducible.
- Wyszowski's Law
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Anything can be made to
work if you fiddle with it long enough.
- Wyszkowski's Second Law
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Nobody notices when
things go right.
- Zimmerman's Law of Complaints
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People are always
available for work in the past tense.
- Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labour
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Once you open a can of
worms, the only way to recan them is to use a bigger can.
- Zymurgy's First Law of Systems Dynamics
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